ALL IMAGES USED IN THIS BLOG POST BELONG TO TOUCHSTONE PICTURES AND THE MOTION PICTURE CAPTAIN RON DIRECTED BY: THOM EBERHARDT AND PRODUCED BY: DAVID PERMUT AND WRITTEN BY: JOHN DWYER.
By: Christopher O’Brien
If you are in a strictly basketball mood, skip ahead to the CPR section, otherwise begin here:
My favorite movie of all time is Captain Ron.
For those of you who haven’t seen it, the story revolves around the Harvey’s, a middle-class family of four from Chicago who are going about their normal lives until the father (Martin Short) inherits a massive sailboat worth $250,000. This price tag is their ticket out of their mortgage payments and credit card debt. All they have to do is sail the boat from St. Potato in the Caribbean Islands to Miami, Florida.
Only problem? The Harvey’s have no clue how to sail.
To make matters worse, when the Harvey’s finally see the boat, it looks like this:
Because of this condition, the yacht buying company in Miami decides not to send down one of their better sailors and instead sets them up with a local.
Meet Captain Ron (Kurt Russell).
Captain Ron has a whole lot of swagger and begins winning over the Harvey’s one family member at a time. He flirts with Martin’s wife, bonds with Martin’s daughter, and becomes a hero to Martin’s son. What was once Martin’s family (his team if you will) has all been cast under Captain Ron’s charismatic spell.
Martin continually makes a fool of himself throughout the film and as serious trouble arises in the form of the real pirates of the Caribbean kidnapping their boat (yeah, this movie is awesome), his family doesn’t believe Martin can save the day. Watch from 3:25 to 4:30
“Guys, it would take a miracle,” –Martin
Of course the miracle comes in the form of Captain Ron. The whole family is thrilled to have Captain Ron save the day. Well, all with the exception of Martin.
“We don’t need you to rescue us!”
Moments later, Martin runs off to the boat to start up the engine. Captain Ron plays the role of getaway driver. As always, he handles the stressful situation with ease.
“I’m really glad you’re back Captain Ron. Dad, he tries, but he really screws things up. Not like you.” –Son
“Hey lighten up will ya? Dad does the best he can. It’s not his fault that he—” daughter
It’s at this moment when Captain Ron realizes exactly why Martin had been so angry with him; the Harvey’s no longer believe in their father as a hero.
Ron runs onto the boat and slips on the stairs.
As Captain Ron’s about to get up, some epiphany music plays in the background.
He knows what he needs to do.
“Sorry boss, I fell. Think I broke my leg.” -Ron
With Captain Ron out, Martin has no other choice than to
take charge lead his team. He rushes up the stairs, hops on the boom and, although it’s not particularly smooth, Martin knocks over the pirates like a bunch of bowling pins.
His family starts cheering.
“Dad, that’s the coolest thing I’ve ever seen!” -son
His wife’s amazed too. Martin’s back on top of the world.
But the battle’s not over. In fact, the action’s about to get even more intense.
Still, Captain Ron stays down below, tells the family the bone is about to punch through the skin, he let’s Martin lead the team. He cheers them on, but really doesn’t see this turning out very well.
“Naturals, by God every one of you, naturals!” -Captain Ron shouts. Then in a much quieter voice to himself, “We’re gonna f:-(in’ die.”
This time it’s not Martin, but instead his wife who comes up with the big play. She fires the secretly powerful flare gun off at the pirates.
Coast Guard comes to the rescue. Martin runs downstairs and sees Captain Ron hopping around celebrating. Martin realizes the whole injury was a fraud and couldn’t be happier that Captain Ron pulled this tactic.
Now, I’m guessing you can see where I’m going with this connection. But let me make it clear, I don’t think LeBron was faking the leg cramps at the end of Game 4. I think it was one of the rare moments of humanity for LeBron when 45 minutes of aggressive, physical, Ron Artest-esque defense on one end paired with barreling-fullback-on-a-basketball-court offense resulted in his legs finally wearing out.
It’s like in the Tour De France when you see a cyclist lead all day long then slowly wear out to the point where he can hardly move the pedals.
But even with these crippling cramps, the guy still hit a huge three, wobbly self and all!
What it did achieve when LeBron was out on the sidelines was the same thing you saw above in Captain Ron. Dwayne Wade, the man who used to be the hero of the Miami Heat, the man who took flack all postseason for not having the same explosiveness, the man who used to own this city, now had to put the team on his back.
And Mario Chalmers had to rise to the occasion too.
LeBron wasn’t faking it, but if he was, it was a brilliant move. Who knows what’s going to happen in Game 5. Maybe the Heat will head back to Oklahoma City for Games 6 and 7. Maybe in one of these games LeBron will foul out. Maybe OKC will double team LeBron at the end and he’ll need a teammate to step up and hit a big shot.
Whatever lies ahead, be it only 48 more minutes or two battles in front of an energetic OKC crowd, the
Harvey Heat family now believe they can get it done even if LeBron’s out on the sidelines. Having LeBron on the court with these new confident teammates… it could be a real celebration taking place Thursday night in South Beach.
Let’s look at the CPR numbers:
- Russell Westbrook Game 4 CPR: 86.46
- LeBron James CPR: 78.83
- Kevin Durant – 68.16
- Dwyane Wade – 64.65
- Mario Chalmers – 58.36
- Chris Bosh – 53.3
- Shane Battier – 46.35
- James Harden – 45.35
- Serge Ibaka – 39.05
- Thabo Sefolosha – 29.23
There’s your game right there. Despite Westbrook having an all-time great performance (with CPR think of 60’s being good game, 70’s being great game, 80’s being incredible, and anything above 90 being top 25 NBA Finals performance ever), five of the top seven spots went to Heat players. Chalmers, Bosh, and Battier were all better than James Harden and Serge Ibaka.
If the Thunder can’t get more production out of guys not named Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook, they’ll have a long offseason ahead to think about how Captain LeBron sunk their ship.